Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behavior carried out by one person in an intimate relationship to maintain power and control over the other person. Partners may be married, dating, living together, separated, homosexual or heterosexual.

This can include:

• Physical Assault

• Sexual Assault
• Emotional abuse
• Social isolation
• Threats
• Stalking
• Intimidation

Women have been socialized to be responsible for “fixing” relationships. Everytime someone is asked “Why did you stay?” the blame is being placed unfairly on them.

If someone is abusing you, it is not your fault. Batterers are responsible for their own behavior. What needs to change is the batterer's behavior.

Domestic violence is not about arguments, late dinners, bills, anger or losing control – it is about batterers keeping control and power. The rest are excuses.

How am I being treated? An assesment

These questions may help you see if you are being abused. Read through the list below, and answer honestly, yes or no, to each one:

• Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner?
• Does your partner put you down, call you names, or make you feel bad about yourself?
• Has your partner ever made you do something humiliating or degrading, or embarrassed you in front of others?
• Has your partner intentionally damaged your possessions or threatened to do so?
• Does your partner make all the big decisions and/or control the money?
• Are you afraid that if you left, you would be attacked, harassed, followed or spied on?
• Has your partner threatened your children, family, friends, or pets?
• Has your partner ever pushed, shoved, slapped, kicked, choked, or restrained you physically, or hurt you in any other way?
• Has your partner ever used a weapon to threaten you or threatened to kill you?
• Has your partner ever forced you to have sex or perform sexual acts against your will?

These are all examples of abuse. If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be feeling confused, scared, embarrassed and unsure of where to turn. You may even feel you are to blame and that you did something to somehow cause the abuse.

You are not alone. Abuse can affect anyone of any age, race, ethnic group, background, income level and educational level. Women are at highest risk; nearly 31 percent of American women report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives (1998 Commonwealth Fund Survey). You do not deserve to be abused. The DPRC is availible to help you with any questions you may have 24 hour a day at 1-800-882-1515 or 1-906-635-0566.